I want to reach out and touch the sky
I want to touch the sun
But I don’t need to fly
I’m gonna climb up every mountain of the moon
And find the dish that ran away with the spoon
Oh, hey there it’s Skeletor here to share the animated villain of the month. He actually did fly with a contraption and he didn’t run away with a spoon, but he did chase Spider-man and his amazing friends in the early 80’s cartoon of that title. He is of course the Green Goblin. Looking like a spokesman for Halloween and just as wacko as they come. He could cause trouble for any sane super hero. He was relentless in his animated attempt to give it to the webhead. Definitely a fine choice for this column.
Until next month stay nasty!


Ten things I learned from Dr. Cyclops

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1-If an odd scientist invites you to a secluded jungle be wary.

2-If number one happens don’t go unarmed.

3-If number one happens find out right away what this experiment is that this dude is working on.

4-If one and three happen don’t give the scientist time and room to test the experiment out on you.

5-If numbers one, three and four are still going on go back to two and arm yourself now.

6-If you get shrunk and have to choose between clothing that is toga like or brief like go with the toga.

7-Number six is so you don’t look like you are wearing a big diaper (spoiler alert a guy in the film looks like he’s wearing a big diaper).

8-It’s cool not to b cooperative with a looney, but don’t do it when he has you in his hand or we will kill you.

9-If looney scientist has a gun and you either stay in the low grassy cover or be on the rocks up high then for goodness sake go low or you will be shot.

10-Work as a group against nutbar scientist type and you may have a chance.

80’s video games-Xevious

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This game was released in late 1982, but I’m certain I never saw it until the summer of 1983. I know this because it became one of my favorite games right away. You have a ship called a Solvalou which is equipped with a zapper to shoot aerial invaders and you can drop bombs on the land bases and armored enemies. You move forever forward and various enemies move at different speeds. You  can be destroyed by being shot or colliding with an enemy. The game is challenging plus the graphics were I thought exceptional for the time. Even beyond that the sound effects always drew me in and they still do. Not all games from back then have held for me, but this one is still a classic game in my book.

The werewolves


When I was in second grade my elementary school did not have a mascot. So everyone in the school could nominate a possible name. Yeah, that sure opened up a can of worms. I had the perfect suggestion the Werewolves. This was due to the fact that my favorite show at the time was the Monster Squad and my favorite character was Bruce W. Wolf. I spoke up and made my suggestions. My teacher likely rolled her eyes. The I campaigned quickly telling all around me they had to vote for werewolves because who didn’t want that to be their mascot? Apparently most kids judging by the results. We had our heads down and could vote on three suggestions. The top suggestions were Giants, Colts and Cougars. Yeah, very dull. The all the classes nominations were sent to the office. They added them up and came up with the top three which were the Giants, the Roadrunners and the Elves. Then everyone in the school got one vote. The kids in my class who supported the Giants the first around were trying to get the whole class to vote their way. Yeah right, turn down werewolves and I won’t be supporting your choice. Elves was a lame choice, probably inspired by kids who liked Keebler products. The coyote and the roadrunner on every Saturday morning with tons of violence so I went for the roadrunner. Roadrunners won and became the team mascot with red and blue as the colors. This was 1977 and the name stuck until the school was knocked down and a new one was built on the same site. Then they changed the name to the Yellowjackets and the colors to yellow and black. Word was there wasn’t an election just a decision made by the powers that be. Oh, well to think they could have been the werewolves had they only listened to me.



The cult of the cobra


If you were in the military over seas I’m sure the first thing you’d do is to sneak in to see an ancient ritual. You know the ritual where a woman turns into a snake. Even though you told numerous times not to take pictures you still did. This of course got all the snake worshippers mad and trying to kill you and your buddies. Then since you drunk you grabbed the basket containing the snake/woman in it and fled the temple leaving you friends to fight their way out. Of course you wouldn’t do that, but that’s how this film starts. The idiot  guy who took the snake basket is bitten and dies. The others think this business is over, but of course it isn’t. Then no too long after this mess the guys all go back to the states and become  civilians. Well, that curse won’t give up and the snake woman follows the guys back to New York. There she hooks up with one the guys and begins killing the others one at a time. Eventually one of the smarter guys in the group becomes wise to what is going on here. Eventually the snake woman meets her/it’s end. Roll those credits.

The negatives-The budget is low and the sets are cramped, but you should expect that going in.

The positives-Overall this solid little film that all too often gets lost in the jumble of 1950’s monster flicks. This film has a decent cast (most of the guys went on to star in shows in the 1960’s) that elevate the simple script. The makers of the film also do a decent job of building the suspense. Really a good film that fans

1980’s arcade games-Xybots

The first player is “Major Rock Hardy” and  the second player is “Captain Ace Gunn”, but they pretty much look and move the same. You go through this maze fighting robots that get tougher as you go along. Wait, that’s it? Yeah, pretty much. However by 1987 standards these are pretty good graphics and a fairly challenging game to play. I didn’t have the guts to try this one back in the day. I only watched it from a distance. I have played it on a collection in recent years and really like it. However I doubt my quarter would have gotten me very far if I’d try playing it in the arcade back in the late 1980’s.

The Leech Woman



I remember seeing this cure for aging on a recent infomercial. There was this hopeless, aging drunk woman who was in a bad relationship and she had no future. She was a real mess. Then she heard about this ancient African woman with a cure for aging. You simply take this sharp ring, poke a person you hate in the neck thus killing them. Then you extract some blood from their corpse, mix it with this Kool-Aid like powder, stir, swallow and turn young and attractive. The only thing is it’s only temporary so you have to keep doing it. If you act now they’ll throw in a polishing rag to clean the blood off your ring after using it. Oh, wait it wasn’t an infomercial it was a black and white Universal horror film. That’s where I saw this. Of course the lady in question got the cops on her trail. Then when she needed to become young she had dropped the ring. So instead of becoming young she shrivels up like a picked grape under the summer sun. Roll the credits.

The negatives-You can see the ending coming a mile away. Even the characters who aren’t committing murders are kind of nasty so it’s hard to root or care for anyone.

The positives-The pace is quick and the film rolls along. The murders are mostly done in a ruthless style which works with the plot.

This one gets ripped a lot for being cheap and having a whacky plot, but overall I like it. It shows rotten people doing rotten things to get what they want and in the end they get what they deserve. To me that’s always a decent idea to write a story about.