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The Oval Potrait

AKA as One Minute Before Death

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1973

Who’s in this? The characters are all kind of botched together as you will soon find out. This is a Mexican/American production and quite honestly if I’d been involved with this film I wouldn’t want anyone to know about it as you’ll also soon learn.

What’s this about? So this is a film claiming influence from Poe and it’s a film that is a gothic horror and shows a ghost just minutes into it would seem like it’s going to pretty cool right? Yeah, that’s what I thought and I have not been that wrong since I thought that Scott Bakula would make a good Starship Captain. Okay, there is this “lady” with the rattiest wig ever and they act like she’s supposed to be 30 something, but she is really 50 something. Anyways she and her mother come into this old house on a dark and stormy night whewwwww. There’se this painting on the wall of a woman with a long nose who looks like she ate bad cheese and our 50 something woman gets all hazy and scared when she sees the picture kind of like she ate bad cheese too and then drank some old milk. Our big wig wearing lead thinks this means there is a ghost about because bad paintings always bring spirits out. Eventually this nonsense goes for a while and then this spirit jumps into Miss ratty wig and this unfortunately leads us into the past to tell the story of the woman in the painting. She has a sour old Union officer daddy and then she falls for a Confederate floppy haired guy with a hairy chest and a bullet wound in his side. Eventually some of the dopiest looking Union soldiers ever come and grab loverboy on his wedding day and take him off leaving his new love to screech and groan. Eventually this woman dies only to be dug up by her Confederate soldier lover but trust me this isn’t as cool as it sounds because the makers of this film know nothing about mood or horror. So fast forward back to present day (as if it really matters) and the maid catches Confederate psycho Loverboy kissing all over his dead love’s corpse smack dab in the middle of the living room and again it’s nowhere as cool as it may initially sound. It’s really just painfully dull. He gets killed (well deserved of course for my money anyways) and his ghost goes off to have a forever spirit world love with his dead lover who is now at peace. Roll the credits on the worst freakin’ ghost story ever.

dead

How about a kiss?

The negatives-A very slow and tedious film. The acting ranges from bland down to where in the world did they get these people? The story was a mess and it got worse as it went along. The sets seemed small, this was supposed to be mansion but we really only se parts of a room or two and a staircase.

The postives-Some of the outdoor scenery was nice and uh yes that’s it.

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Oh, how scary!

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About markmc2012

I have watched far too many horror and sc-fi shows in my life. Now I feel the need to share this wealth of knowledge and make others suffer.

4 responses to “The Oval Potrait

  1. thanks for the heads up. I’ll try to avoid this. I would probably buy the dvd because it is an older film and the Edgar Allan Poe credit – and wind up wasting my money.

    • It’s on the 50 movie Pure Terror set from Mill Creek. I got it last week for $9. I had hopes for this film because it was a 70’s made Gothic style film and the Poe connection, but it was very tough to get through. That set also has the 1960 version of Tell-Tale Heart which I have never seen and heard mostly good about so I need to see that at some point.

  2. Laurence Payne (Vampire Circus, The Crawlinf Eye), Adrienne Corri (Vampire Circus, Clockwork Orange) and Dermot Walsh (a bunch of British TV stuff).

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