Another snow day

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A snow day…..

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In March????!!!!

It may be March, but around here the snow total for the winter is well over twice as much as our usual total already. So last and into this morning we had a thin layer of ice and a couple more inches of snow dumped on us. That’s on top of the snow that was still on the ground from weeks ago. No surprise that school was called off quickly but at first my was to open at noon, but then it was changed to be closed for the day. So woohoo more free time!

Memorial Valley Massacre

 

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“Aaaaeee, a killer way scarier than Jason or Freddie..er maybe not so much.”

AKA – Valley of death
1988/1989-Both are listed.

So over Memorial Day weekend a bunch of clichéd characters including bikers, a couple of tacky city people with a spoiled son, three metal heads and a war veteran (yay for William Smith) want to come and camp out at Memorial Valley. Of course if they didn’t want to do that there would be no movie…hmm well that could go both ways. Anyways this college kid son of the developer signs on to be assistant camp helper or something. He’ll soon find this isn’t Yogi Bear snatching picnic baskets that he will have to deal no it’s something far less threatening because this is one of the worst slasher films ever. You see this guy who looks like a cross between Rambo and Mowgli is living in a cave. No, I didn’t make that up but I suspect the writers of this “film” made this up as they went along. So our killer gets slashed by the fat spoiled guy and he goes ballistic-arghh I’m a crazed, cave living savage with poofy hair and I’ll kill you all- that is he may have said that if he could have spoken. So then there’s a wet t-shirt dance by the metal girl, a no nudity sex scene and some of the worst soundtrack music ever. William Smith wants to stay in his camper and I don’t blame for not wanting to show his face in this film. Then George the head ranger and total sourpuss says hey lets go after this wild dude to pick up the pace of this train wreck of a movie. So every dummy there gets a gun and the wild dude promptly knocks them off one at a time with weapons, explosions, spiked pits, a lame bear hug and other unimpressive methods. Then a real shocker is laid out well not really but George the ranger is the daddy of wild child, but George gets killed the jungle Rambo flees and everything gets wrapped up or maybe they ran out of film. Anyways roll the credits.

Stats-
Number of unconvincing bikers-Six, yeah all of them.
Number of too clean wild dude slasher types-one or one too many.
Number of blindingly bad 80’s outfits worn by the city couple-two I think, but then again I was blinded after the first two.

This was a rather painful attempt in the slasher genre but it had some things that were worth laughing at. Plus this film also gives people desperate to watch a holiday related films something to watch for Memorial Day if indeed that desperate.

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Yeah this is what qualifies as “cool kids” in this film.