Galaxy Invader

Galaxy-Invader-aliens1_181078 MV5BOTYzNDg0NjU4OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzk3NzcxMQ@@._V1_SX214_AL_ galaxyinv5

1985

 

This meteor thing flashes by and eventually this kid finds and alien in  his basement. Some kids have all the luck all I had in my basement was cobwebs and spiders. The alien goes wondering around the countryside and scruffy drunk Joe shoots it causing the saggy green visitor from another world to drop what looks like a styrofoam ball. Joe snags and later whacks it in front of some others with similar IQ’s. The device produces a popping sound leding Joe to deduce that it is an alien weapon of great power and importance. Joe continues to wear his favorite non-flattering ripped white t-shirt as he recruits locals drunk rednecks to help him hunt for this critter er alien. All these guys are up some whoopin, hollarin and chasing an alien through a small area of woods so that’s what they do. They eventually capture this rubber suited monstrosity. Some people with good intentions but not so much sense free the alien. Joe continues to basically act like a rear end while yelling and bossing around everyone else. Plus he tries to rape a woman and he keeps wearing that horrid shirt. Eventually the remaining family members manage to knock Joe off a cliff and kill him. Wait wasn’t this supposed to be alien movie? Yes, I think so but hey roll the credits before they try and keep this thing going.

The negatives-Wait, I have to think about this film again? The acting is pretty poor all the way around. It ranges from overacting as far as it can go to being so wooden that I can’t distinguish the actors from the trees they are standing next to. The alien suit doesn’t look so bad in the shadows, but in full daylight it’s rubber nature is on full display. If you ever wanted to film an alien invasion movie watch this first to know what not to do.

The positives-Don Dohler made some really terrible movies, but he knew they were bad and went at it anyhow. Most of his film like this one were filmed in the county next to mine so the exteriors look very similar to where I live and I like that part. Dick Dyszel is in this one as Dr. Tracy and you may not know that name, but he was and still is Count Gore De Vol the horror host I grew up seeing. So even though this was a crap part in a crap film for him I still enjoyed seeing him trying to act in the kind of film he loved.

This will be a tough film for most people unless you are from central Maryland or love laughing at really bad monster films. Fortunately I fall into both those categories so i kind of liked this film and have actually made it through like 4-5 times.

Upcoming junk and stuff

th

 

I hope to review Don Dohler’s Galaxy Invader before the end of the week.  Next week will be giant monster week and I hope review War of the gargantuas, King Kong Escapes, a Gamera movie and It came from the bargain bin with Konga plus 80’s arcade games. Lately a lot of my TV watching has been dedicated to older shows including the Adventures of Brisco County Jr., MacGuyver, The Bionic Woman and Space Rangers. Looks my connection problems are resolved so now I just have to get to watching and reviewing stuff regularly.

Enjoy the Super Bowl and Take care!

It came from the bargain bin- 2001: A space travesty

bargainbin

imagesTZU12Z8J ln st

2001 (on the case), but other sources have said it was released in fall of 2000.

The President (a not so great Bill Clinton impersonator) has been kidnapped and cloned. Security force, old dude and clumsy guy Dick Dix (Leslie Nielson) is sent to the planet vegan to put an end to this plot before other world leaders are cloned and controlled. This should lead to espionage hilarity…yeah shoulda woulda coulda. Unfortunately you need a good script or at least a sense of humor to get some laughs. Instead we get lame slapstick, lots of talking, limp gags, weak aliens and a cast who look ashamed to be in this film (and they should be). Dix thinks he got the right president in place when they get back to earth, but of course he didn’t. Nothing else about this film has got right so far so why should this point be any different? Other celebrity look a likes who look very little like their celebrity show up at an event where Dix hopes to get the correct president in place. There’s a struggle and not just me struggling to pay attention to this “movie”. Eventually all is set right or at the very least the film ends…shew…roll the credits…please.

I saw this film back when it first came out on VHS yes VHS. I hated it then, but spent a buck on it at the Dollar Tree the other day.

I liked Nielson in Airplane, Naked Gun, Dracula-dead and loving it and some of his other comedies. However I can safely say this is the worst film I have ever seen him. Not his fault though although he did agree to be in it. It’s like 90 minutes of being subjected to someone who thinks they are the funniest person in the world, but they clearly have no idea how to be funny. They try gags that are sort of like ideas from the Naked Gun films, but they all fall flat in this outing. This is just painful like horribly painful, I felt very bad for Nielson for having to be in this thing. You are a strong person if you make it through this movie, but it will drain the life from you. You have been warned.

Was it worth one dollar? No, it wasn’t.

imagesTLA4DI59

It came from the bargain bin-Gentlemen Broncos

bargainbingb gbm gbmo

2009

This kid Benjamin who lives out in nowhere goes to a writing workshop. He is excited because one of his favorite sci-fi writers Chevalier  is leading a workshop. Turns out the guy is full of himself and not so helpful. Benjamin does submit his story in a contest where Chevalier is a judge. Chevalier is in danger of losing his book deal because he is out of ideas. While reading Benjamin’s story for the contest he decides to steal it as his own. Meanwhile Benjamin goes back home, but a ditzy girl who he let read his story talks him to letting her and her oddball friend make it as a film. What follows is Chevalier steals his story and becomes a hit book while the local film makers destroy his story in a total crap movie. Add to that some rough things that his mom has to go through. Eventually Benjamin pushes forward and an unexpected turn of events helps him to get back what is his. In between all of the above drama are scenes from Benjamin’s story  and Chevalier’s version acted out.

The negatives-This film seems to either be loved or hated. Jared Hess who made Napoleon Dynamite made this film  and while the film style is similar this film is far more strange and has much more of a mean streak. The oddness particularly in the book as film scenes with Sam Rockwell made turn some viewers off.

The positives-I thought that Benjamin  and Chevalier were both well played and that helped hold the film together. I enjoyed seeing one story acted out in three different ways-Benjamin’s view, Chevalier’s version and the awful local filmmaker version.

I paid one dollar for this at the Dollar Tree last week.

Was it worth it? Absolutely. The film has more strangeness than it needs to define it’s characters, but it does enough to make me enjoy the film. I liked that a somewhat basic idea grew into this crazy mess with all of the angles going at once. It’s a good, but not great film. Certainly worth a buck and I’ll watch it again more than once.

 

The Alien Factor re-post

I’ve had very little time to write much this week so I am going to do a repost today to give you something to read. Here is a wordy review of The Alien Factor from a couple of years ago. I hope to review another Don Dohler film soon so maybe this will get you and I ready for that. Aiming to be back Thursday with a double dose of “It came from the bargain bin” with a couple of sci-fi related humor films I got from the Dollar Tree last week.

https://scifihorrorfantasy.wordpress.com/2012/12/16/the-alien-factor/

 

 

80’s arcade games-Pit-Fighter

POPUP_PITFIGHTERMACHINEpf

 

1990

Yes, I am cheating on this one by a few months as it came out in August 1990. Close enough for me. I actually never played this one back then although I had heard of it. I only recently played it for the first time on a collection for the Xbox. This was two years before Mortal Kombat and although it looks very basic and plays almost awkward compared to MK it was still ahead of it’s time for 1990. They used models and blue screen to make these images of the fighters. In 1990 this probably looked pretty darned cool compared to previous fighting games. You can pick from one of two characters and then go through rounds fighting different fighters who have various styles. There are different items including chairs and barrels then you pick up to whack your opponent with. Instead of being able to move side to side you can go around the whole area which makes it easier to avoid or get around behind someone. It does have a few flaws. The actual gameplay is more on the clunky side of games like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter 2 that would soon make the fighting game genre popular. Also if you fight with multiple players and you are fighting multiple enemies you have to be careful because it’s so easy to hit or kick your partner. Kicking someone in the behind is a hoot while they are bent over is a hoot as they just kind of pop up in the air  like that and being able to kick them like that multiple times is a real treat. It’s not a classic but as a lover of fighting games I liked giving it a go and my nine year old son thought it was fun too.

 

pitf-2 Pit-Fighter_1 220px-ATARI_-_PIT-FIGHTER_1990

 

 

Upcoming junk and stuff

war_of_the_gargantuas_poster

This has been a hard work for finding time to watch movies or write. Plus I’ve been having connection problems with the computer at home so I don’t know how much writing I’ll get to do over the weekend. For next week I hope to review War of the Gargantuas plus 1-2 more films as well 80’s arcade games and maybe one other feature.

Take care and stay warm!

It came from the bargain bin-Edward Scissorhands

bargainbin

1990

Purchased at-Walmart (recently)

Cost-$3.50

I saw this on VHS once in the late 90’s and liked it, but have not seen it since.

So when they were coming up with a title for this did they have the following brainstorming sessions.

Edward Nailfile hands? No, not scary enough.

Edwars Icepick hands? Too scary.

Edward Hammerhands? You nailed it, well not really

Edward Spoonhands? I’m not digging it.

Eward Spatulahands? I’m not flipping over it.

Edward Sporkhands? Too weird.

Edward Tweezerhands? Too tiny.

Well let’s go with Edward Scissorhands

So there is this town that seems to blend 1967 with 1989. Anyways a struggling cosmetics saleslady stumbles upon a dude with scissors for hands up at the old castle on the hill. She does what everyone would do and runs like invites to come home with her. He does and ends up falling for the daughter  Kim. He begins to fit in a little, but the neighborhood skank talks bad about him after he runs from her nastiness. Kim’s boyfriend is a piece of work too or a piece of something because he is not so nice. Edward gets caught breaking into a house even though his intentions were alright. Pretty soon most of the town begins to distrust. He accidentally cuts Kim and her brother within minutes of each other. This leads to the cops and the narrow minded morons town folk chasing Ed off and he runs back to his old castle. Some where before this point there was a flashback showing the old professor that used to live in the castle. He made Edward, but died before putting the regular hands on him. Back to present day er 1990. Kim follows Edward to the castle and unfortunately so does her drunken boyfriend. He acts like a jerk, Ed kills him and no more Rusty Griswold. Before the unicorns and rainbows can come in the town comes and sees the dead body, but Kim tells them Edward was killed too. They say “aw” and go back to their bright colored houses. Kim goes back and grows old without ever seeing Edward again. Edward makes snow by making ice sculptures..wait is that right…uh, yeah that’s what it says. Roll the credits.

The negatives-The ending is definitely a bit of a downer.

The positives-The cast is solid all the way across. The film looks fantastic down to the tiniest detail. The story is like a (then) modern take on a fairy tale and it works very well in that with Ed playing the innocent seen as a monster by some but as a blessing by others. This was definitely one of Tim Burton’s films that felt magical.

Was it worth $3.50? Definitely, a real bargain bin find. It was actually far better than I remember it being.

 

Edward-Scissorhands-edward-scissorhands-23334073-1481-1137 Edward-Scissorhands-edward-scissorhands-23334084-1140-1200 Edwardscissorhandsposter EDWARD AUX MAINS D ARGENT Edward Scissorhands Annee 1990 USA JOHNNY DEPP Realisateur Tim Burton usa 19904114855-7325121807-edwar

 

Action Shootout-Cobra vs. Raw Deal

rd cob

rdas

I’ll be…uh right here.

imagesICVJD712

I drew dis here with my crayons.

It’s Sly vs. Ahnold in my very first action shootout and if no one reads it then it  could be the last action shootout. I picked these two films because they star probably the two top action stars of the 1980’s, both are lesser known films by these guys, the main characters are both law enforcement types and the films came out just weeks apart in 1986.

The plots in a nutshell although they got in those nutshells I’ll never know-In Cobra Sly is a cop who ends up protecting a model who witnessed killings by a serial killer and his gang. In Raw Deal Arnie is a former FBI agent turned small town sheriff who asked by his old boss to go undercover to bust a mob group in Chicago. Both plots start out kind of basic but become bigger and bigger and just more outrageous as the films go along. However I think by using the serial killer and witness angle that Cobra managed to put a little bit of suspense into the film and that made it just a hair more interesting. Point to Cobra.

The Stars- Sly plays  Arnie plays Mark Kaminski and Sly plays Marion “Cobra” Cobretti. Arnold was fairly in his action film career at this point as most of his bigger films were ahead of him. In 1985 Sly had done a Rambo and a Rocky so he at the top of the action star list at this time. Sly playing an Italian cop who can’t obey rules seems less of a stretch than big Arnold playing a former FBI agent trying to go undercover as a mobster. However Stallone comes as a shell of a hero most of the time who has chances to show emotions but instead just uses his gun to his talking. While certainly not a good performance Arnold gets the chance to add more of a balance to his character as he struggles with his marriage and his attraction to a woman who is pulled into a bad situation. Point to  Raw Deal.

Raw-Deal-stort-bilde

Your hair is so slick.

imagesAZJP4BM1

Don’t we look cute in out matching threads?

Leading ladies-Brigette Nielson plays the model/witness in Cobra while Kathryn Harrold plays a woman tied up with the mob who befriends Arnold. Nielson in her Razzie nominated performance isn’t as bad as she is in other films, but yes she overacts a bit and gets worse as the film goes along. Arnold probably lucked out getting Kathryn Harrold as his leading lady as it’s not a fantastic part but she does well enough with it and mostly importantly didn’t stink things up like Nielson. Point to Raw Deal.

Villains-Cobra faces a serial killer with stud handled knife and his gang of thugs while Arnold faces a mob boss, his untrusting and really scary right hand man and a crooked attorney working for the wrong side. Yeah point to Raw Deal.

Action-This is fairly close. Both rely a lot of shooting, explosions and car chases. The explosions are bigger in Cobra an he has an awesome car, but I think action stands out more in Arnold’s film. It’s also more satisfying when the villains get what they have coming. Point to Raw Deal.

For my money the underdog Raw Deal takes this one as the better action flick in a 4-1 blowout.

Best line(s) in Cobra-

Killer at store-Get back! I got a bomb here! I’ll blow this whole place up!

Cobra- Go ahead. I don’t shop here.

Best line in Raw Deal-

Kaminsky (after his drunk wife goes off and throws a cake at him)- You should not drink and bake!

 

936full-raw-deal-screenshot

Sly got a better car than me!

imagesR8N3DGW2

Yeah he did.