The Satanic Rites of Dracula




1-Wearing a furry vest marks you as an evil henchman.
2-Laying nude on a table is probably a sign you are soon going to be cut open.
3-Just because you get sliced open while nude doesn’t mean a Satanic ritual can’t revive you.
4-If you suspect vampires are around then there is always an expert on the subject nearby to help you out.
5-If you suspect a sniper is near then don’t get out of the car without a bullet proof vest.
6-If you are a vampire and you have a sprinkler system in the house be ware someone may use it against you.
7-If there is a mystery business partner in on an evil plan then it’s likely Dracula.
8-Even in the bright colored clothing times of the early 1970’s Drac still wears black.
9-If you enter into a business deal with Dracula it probably won’t end well for you.
10-Dracula can come back from the dead and manipulate the richest men in the country but he isn’t smart to avoid getting ensnared by a hawthorn bush.


Upcoming junk and stuff


Still hoping to get back to posting more regularly. On the burner I have of two Hammer flicks- the second (then) modern day Dracula story The Satanic Rites of Dracula and (loosely historically based) actioner the Terror of the tongs. Also hoping to review Universal 50’s giant bug attacks film The deadly mantis. In addition to that I still hope to get to the shows I promised back around Halloween which I think there were about six of those. The good news I have watched all of these so now I just to write about them which tends to be the more difficult part. I am very much hoping to knock out all of the above during December plus bring back Skeletor’s animated villain of the month and 80’s video games.
I’m still hooked on Timeless on Monday nights as it’s the only current show I watch regularly. I’m sure everyone watched the new Kong Skull Island trailer. Don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for March so I can see this one!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

The Monster Club

1980 (although I have seen 1981)

This anthology starts with horror author (John Carradine) trying to help a sick man (Vincent Price). The author says he’ll help the man get food not knowing the guy is a vampire or he said he hadn’t had a bite in weeks so Price bites him because he’s a vampire. The vampire has only drank enough to feel better, but author is okay. The vampire invites the author to the Monster Club to repay him. There a bunch of cheap as crap monsters dance at a cheese ball nightclub. Way to repay him. The vampire tells tales of different kinds of monsters. I the Shadmonk the female of a couple of crooks pretends to like a pasty, rich dude in order to steal from him. Turns out the freak has the power to whistle and turn his target into a burnt mess. Despite kind of liking the weird dude the woman listens to her crooked boyfriend and tries to steal from the whistler. Of course it ends with her getting fried into a nasty thingie. Next up The vampires is a semi-comedic affair about some sloppy vampire killers trying to kill a kid’s vampire dad. The head vampire killer gets turned in a fanged type and gets staked in the weakest vampire staking ever done. The vampires dad guy faked out the other killers by using a stake proof vest and ketchup. On to the last story. This one has a movie director going to find a spooky village location or his latest horror flick. He finds a dandy, but unfortunately it’s inhabited by ghouls that feast on corpses but hey they’d like to chow on this director too even though he seems a bit tough and old. He finds a young girl who is a cross between a human and a ghoul thus a bit of an outcast. The purebred ghouls are after them because you know they like flesh. The director and the girl try to escape and well you know it doesn’t turn out well. The author and the vampire wrap up the film back at the monster club with a song and there is music in between all of these stories as well. Roll the credits.

The positives-Hey it’s a horror anthology somewhat in the style of the 60’s-70’s Amicus films. The cast includes Vincent Price, John Carradine, Stuart Whitman and Pleasence so that’s a plus.
The negatives- The music ranges from decent to annoying and it really dates the film. I would have gladly traded most of the music numbers for another story.

The wrap around story and the vampire story are both played for laughs and both are alright at best. The Shadmonk story is horror, but it’s slow yet it turns out to be decent. The ghoul story is the real gem of the bunch with good acting, solid scenery and a tight enough story. This film get an overall bad reputation for the music and the title. If you like British horror anthologies it’s worth checking out.



This guy wants to be a doctor at an insane asylum. He must be cra… oh no wait he wants to help those kind of people. He was supposed to see a Doctor Starr, but it turns out his associate is now in charge be care Starr went whacko and attacked his associate. Now Starr is upstairs and this applicant told all he has to do is go upstairs, interview the patients and identify which one if Starr. If he gets it right then he gets the job. That sounds insa… like a fine idea. He goes upstairs and the orderly Max leads him to patients one at a time. The first patient tells about how her lover killed his wife, chopped her up and put her in the freezer. Then her parts came to get the two who conspire to kill her. In the second story a tailor tells of how he was desperate for cash to he took an odd job of making a suit out of a weird fabric and having to make it only at certain hours. Once he completed the job he was told A- he wasn’t getting paid, B- the suit was made to resurrect the guy’s son from the dead and C- f the tailor didn’t give up the suit he’d be shot. Tailor fights back and accidently kills the other guy so he takes the suit back with him puts it on his mannequin which promptly comes to life and attacks him. The Tailor was deemed nutbar and placed in the asylum. Next up a young women tell of how she was a looney house before and then came back home. She regularly mention a friends named Lucy, but her brothers tells her not mention that name. The Lucy shows up, causes trouble and the woman finds her brother dead and insists that Lucy did it. The woman point to her reflection in the mirror saying Lucy is there. The next guy seems pretty smart, but it turns out he makes this robot that loos like him. He then wills his soul into the little robot, sends it down stairs where it kills the doctor who was doing the interview. The young doctor who was interviewing for the job smashes the robot revealing guts and killing it’s human counterpart upstairs. The young doctor races up Max and tells him of the odd thing that just happened. He sees something in the back of Max’s office and goes over to it. He removes a sheet to reveal a corpse. He tries to flee, but is strangled by Max who reveals himself to be Dr. Starr. Dr. Starr later invites another applicant in for probably a not so nice visit. Roll those credits.

The negatives- The story about Lucy lacks the punch of the other stories.

The positives-The cast includes Patrick Magee, Herbert Lom, Peter Cushing, Barry Morse and more so yeah a very good cast that elevates some basic stories. The wrapping story is perhaps the best f the seven Amicus anthologies. I hadn’t seen this one for years and definitely liked it better now than I did say ten years ago.

Upcoming junk and stuff

srHoping to get back to speed this month although it’s always a major bummer when Halloween ends. I didn’t really do as much this year for Halloween as I have in the past. The kids are getting older and in between work, the kid’s soccer, the world series and other things Halloween just wasn’t the focus it used to be for me.

Hoping to review all the stuff I promised last month and didn’t get to plus some movie reviews. On Halloween I watched Asylum from Amicus films and Hammer’s The satanic rites of Dracula. So I’m hoping to review those two this month as well.

Take care!





In case you missed or hate baseball last night was a fantastic game seven and made all the better because the Cubs won ended the 108 year drought. It was a game of real ups and downs between two great teams. The Cubs may have lost had the rain not given them time get their heads together and finish of a great season. I live in Ravens and Orioles country. However I have been a Denver Broncos fan since the 1970’s and Cubs fan long enough to have seen some really bad seasons. So for me the sports gods have been good so far this year. Now if only Maryland Basketball could win the NCAA tourney and the Caps could take the Cup next year.

Hoping to write again soon


Between work and the Cubs first trip to the series since the second World War I have had little time to write. I have watched most of what I hoped to review, but have not had time to write anything up.

Granted I checked out Ash vs. Evil Dead and binged watched when I could have writing. Oh, well great show.


Also I get off work at 9:00 Monday nights and for the last four weeks I have hurried home to watch

Yeah, I know so called sci-fi fans are trying to rip it apart. Hey, it’s fun and has potential. So to NBC please don’t cancel it and don’t change the time either or else I can’t watch it.

Hopefully tomorrow I can crank out some Halloween type episode reviews. Take care!

Upcoming junk and stuff


Missed doing Buffy, but will throw the review in this week. Right now I am only one review behind which is more on track than I have ever been before. The others I hope to review are episodes of Scooby Doo, Johnny Bravo and Spongebob Squarepants. If I can get those four done this week I will be on track for the final full week of the month. Hope you enjoyed the nonsense so far!

Lost in space-Ghost in space


Doctor Smith is told to set this explosive off in in a bog after John Robinson has a minor injury. Bad decision of course as we know Smith will screw it up royally. He does just that as fear overcomes him and instead of placing the explosive where it’s to go he tosses it sort of towards the direction it’s supposed to go and then runs off. Don hears the explosion and senses it doesn’t sound right doesn’t question Smith much on it. The filed explosion causes a monster to be unleashed. Meanwhile Smith talks Penny into playing with the Quija board with him. He says they can avoid work this way summon up the spirit of his Uncle Thaddeus this way to communicate with him. The real monster that Smith caused to pop up starts stirring, but Smith being the boob he is believes that his use of the Quija board has summoned up the spirit of Uncle Thaddeus. The rest of the crew doesn’t believes Smith supernatural explanation, but Don thinks Smith could be responsible for the situation because you know he just about always is the source of their troubles. The monster wants power from the ship and can drain it, but only at night. It also has three toes and can turn invisible. A sing a long Quija session doesn’t work and neither does trap that John and Don made. Smith still thinks it’s his uncle. That seems doubtful although if he is as much a troublemaker as his nephew is then maybe it is. However it’s not him. Smith and Will still go out to attempt a ceremony to stop Uncle Thaddeus. However the monster shows it itself to Smith who likely soiled himself and of course he runs off leaving poor Will. John goes after his son and manages to dispatch the monster and save Will. At the end of the episode Smith makes more of a rear end of himself. Roll those credits.

The negatives-Not so much.

The positives-If you are a fan of the show then you likely enjoy this one.

It’s a first season episode which means black and white and a bit more serious than the later seasons. However it’s the second half of the season which means it had begun being the Smith, Will and the robot show which is A-Okay by me.

Barney Miller- Werewolf


An elderly couple visiting New York gets robbed and Barney tries to get their stuff back. A nurse is there to give shots for the swine flu and the detectives have to wait a while after that before relieved. The biggest event is when Wojo and Harris bring in a howling dude who says he’s a werewolf. They had to subdue him in Central Park. He goes to tell that his granddaddy wad a werewolf, would that then make him his granddoggy? He asks them to lock him up because the moon will be full and well they were going to lock him up anyways. Harris hits on the nurse, but she tells him while she finds him attractive she is waiting for a doctor to marry one day. The “werewolf” begins to howl and proclaim the transformation is coming while he is caged, but it never comes. However some folks from a mental hospital to come to take him for evaluations. Everything then comes down a little and roll the credits.

The negatives-If you are looking for a horror show then this one isn’t for you.

The positives-It’s kind of what would happen if someone in the real world claimed to be a werewolf they’d write you off as a nut bar. This is early third season so the show was really coming into it’s own with it’s dry yet brilliant humor. A good episode of a classic show.