Guns

GUNS

1990

Erik Estrada as Juan Degas (the S is silent) a gunrunner and all around not so wonderful fellow.

There are other people in this film, but no one that important for Danny Trejo who plays what else a nasty looking guy with an equally nasty disposition. It’s an Andy Sidaris film so the woman run around half dressed trying to act tough and spouting out cornball lines, the villain’s henchman act stupid and die while the good guys smile and show off their hair while they  normally get saved by the woman or by just dumb luck.

So Degas shows up under his fake hair helmet, I mean the fuzzy rodent on his head um very natural looking hair. Anyways he wants this one female agent dead. So hires these two goons-one looks like French Stewart only with his eye open while the other looks like a young John Saxon (only not nearly as cool). The above ugly hit men become even less cool when they dress as even uglier women to pull off their hits. Back to the star, Degas sets up to buy some weapons from a Chinese weapons dealer. We know the weapons are great because our villain uses tone to set stuff on fire, huh huh huh cool! The hit men kill the wrong girl in Hawaii then everyone goes back to Las Vegas because these Andy Sidaris movies seem to happen in bright colorful places. Guess the film wouldn’t work as well in the winter in Minnesota or something. Anyways there are some airplanes tossed in here and cars driving wildly to fill in time of some sorts. Degas gets tense over the female agents still being around and Estrada does some hammy eyeball popping moments to emphasize this for his character. Degas girlfriend kills some of the good people but then she gets it. Eventually of course the hit men in drag bite the dust as well. Despite the fact that the women in these films can’t run very fast and hold their weapons as awkwardly they still always manage to take down some tough customers. Degas captures this woman and threatens the heroes to get what he wants, but one of the female agents blows him up with what looks like a couple of caulk guns together carrying red and blue cardboard rockets. Yet it’s enough to blow Degas to a million pieces and do no damage to the agent who was just a few feet away. Oh well roll the credits.

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The negatives-The film isn’t big on plot and if you expecting witty dialog then you need to search elsewhere.

The positives-Estrada tries and he’s decent enough as a villain. There are plenty of explosions and gun fights too. Nice locations as well.

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Erik Estrada week? Why?

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When I was seven I started watching CHiPs with my family. There quickly became a division between my brother and I. He brought it up, but his favorite character was the by the book and very dull Jon while I preferred the funny and more carefree Ponch. My brother tried to pull me over to the Jon camp but I insisted he was wrong which of course he was. Anyways I was a loyal fan of the show for maybe the first three seasons before losing interest. It was definitely one of the first kind of action shows I really got into. They didn’t shoot or even pull out their guns, but there were plenty of traffic accidents and possibly dangerous situations going on. When I re-visited the show when I was older I saw he cheese factor more clearly. The goofy jokes, the amount of times the show ended with Ponch and Jon ending up at a disco or some kind of dance. Still I like the show, it has a charm and Estrada’s cheesiness was part of that. Over the years much like Shatner I think Estrada has embraced the high cheese and goofiness factor of his image and just rolled with it. Through that he’s had a resurgence to some extent. I admire that quality to roll with things. For that and his influences on me as a young TV viewer I give Mr. Estrada a theme week.

 

Guns review on Thursday for sure.

Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

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What’s this about?

Doesn’t the title say it all? Perhaps, but I suppose that I should say more. Erik Estrada is a DEA agent who gets a new partner (no not Bobby or Bruce for you CHiPs fans), plus he’s having trouble with his daughter going out when she shouldn’t, double plus he doesn’t have much to do with his son because of who he hangs around with. Somewhere around this time some poor actors pretending to be more gang members/drug smugglers start getting wiped out by snarling death hounds. Just kidding the chupacabras here look like a cross between chihuahuas Dobby the house elf- “Harry Potter must not return to Taco Bell”. These CGI beasties don’t just get the bad guys either, no their fury knows no bounds as they get some good guys and the innocents as well. It does seem like the victim gets hit once in the legs and then they always fall down in the same position with the their arms spread and they lay there while the little critters rip the rest of their bodies apart. Yum-yum. Enough of this unbridled horror, Estrada’s character along with his new partner, his daughter, his son and some of his friends try to take on these fanged demons with guns. Eventually they end up at…

A-the bathroom

B-Petsmart

C-the Razzies

D-the Alamo

Ah, according to the film title I think this is D. Oh it is and what’s left of our heroes ends up there fleeing from the title creatures. The humans find a tunnel that has been hidden for decades (?!) and then flee. Blah, blah, blah Estrada triumphs over tiny computer generated throat rippers and all is well. Roll the credits.

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I see a creepy hairy thing, oh wait it’s just my hair piece.

The negatives-The creatures look like cheap CGI from 2000 but the film was done last year. The rest of the budget is small too and it looks it. Much of the acting is typical of this type of film.

The positives-Erik Estrada is in overacting mode, but it makes the film more interesting than it could have been. The pace is relatively decent even if the killings themselves are of the bargain bin variety.

I admit that I only really watch this because of Estrada and it was alright for one viewing.

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I think the coast is clear.

More Erik Estrada on it’s way on Wednesday with hopefully a review of Guns.