Hellboy 2:The Golden Army

Come on Abe, it’s not like he’s going to power up an ancient robotic army of unstoppable power.
2008
Our favorite red, cat lovin’, cigar smokin’, grumpy occult fightin’ demon type is back. So are his friends the fishy Abe Sapien and fire producing Liz plus their work supervisor the no so wonderful Manning. This time some pasty skinned, platinum haired siblings are in conflict over whether or not to revive an army of mechanical hooligans. The brother Nuada kills his pappy and plans to take over, but his sister Nuala runs off with the last piece of the crown-oh, man you knew it couldn’t be that easy. I guess I need to mention that these two freaks are leaked and can read each others thoughts to an extent and feel each others pain. Hellboy and the others run into a house full of these nasty little critters that kill the human agents, but our the super powered types live and wipe out the creatures-oh, yeah it pays to have powers. Somewhere around this time Hellboy and the others get a new boss type who looks like a walking, talking tea kettle. Hellboy fights this giant plant creature because … oh wait it’s a grumpy red demon fighting a huge plant monster so who really cares about plot at this point? Of course Hellboy wins this round. Our heroes also go to a market area where surprise, surprise Hellboy gets in another fight with a beastie looking fella. They also run into Princess Nuala who … A-takes up with Hellboy and his gang for help. B-causes Abe to fall in love with her. C-gives me the willies with her crazy eyes. Nuada works out swinging his weapons all over the place so let’s get this movie going so we can wrap it up. Hellboy gets a spear point lodged in his chest, but this weird as all get out being saves hep while telling Liz “you know he will eventually destroy the world and be no darn good for you”, but Liz doesn’t care because she loves him and is pregnant with his kid(s). Hellboy is saved as they are on fight Prince sourpuss. He gets the last piece needed to revive the golden army-oh poop. There’s a big ole CGI and the army is halted. The the prince and big red have it out. Good thing Hellboy has a big hand or he’d be done for, but he pulls this one. Hey, look out that naughty prince is playing dirty an oh no the princess killed herself to stop her brother. Sorry, about that one Abe. The sort of heroes leave, they tell Manning to kiss their get some other workers and walk off. Roll the credits.

A veggie is smashing up the city!

You can trust me, I’m not a power crazed wacko or anything.

The negatives-Hellboy comic purists are possibly going to dislike this one more than the first one because it’s takes some liberties with the personalities of the characters.

The positives-The film looks great and the plot is strong. I like that we get to know more about Liz and Abe this time around. In the comics Hellboy is a bit more reserved, but in the films he comes across as a combination of The Thing from the Fantastic Four and other Ron Pearlman himself. I find that this combination works for these movies. Shock of shocks I like this film better than the first one-stronger plot, better pacing and I felt more comfortable with the main characters. I actually liked the whole cast in this one. Luke Goss as the prince was a particular standout. I went in hating him, but then thought he was more misguided (or looney) than just being flat out evil. I think of this film as more of a fantasy movie than a typical superhero film, but whatever it’s entertaining and for my money it’s gotten better each time I’ve seen it.

I actually watch this film every year around Thanksgiving because I bought it on DVD for $2 at Wal-mart on Black Friday in 2009.

I’m the star, I don’t have to wear a shirt.

Just your run of the mill, weird looking on the run princess.

Friday the 13th pt. 3

1982

What’s this about? After nearly six minutes of re-cap of part two some funky music comes on while credits are thrown at us in 2D plus 1. Some unlikable store owners get whacked and here we go. We meet our victims cast which includes three poofy haired girls, a jock looking guy, a dork who likes masks and pranks plus two stoners who appear to have very little else to do. They come upon some kook who waves an eyeball at them and at you if you are watching this in the third dimension. So this van full of young people arrives at this farm place and we meet Rick-yawn. Then we get some dull dialog, doors opening on their own and the chubby guy thinks it’s a laugher to pretend to have been killed-hardeharhar. The chubby guy and one of the fluff haired girls run into some motorcycyle toughs who appear to live only to hang out at a convenience store while attempting to make mean faces. Hey, this is a slasher movie so let’s quit showing shoulder shots of Jason and get on with it. The chubby goofy guy gets it but he should be thanked for providing Jason with his soon to be trademark hockey mask. After that the terror, attempted 3D effects,post sex murders and narrowing down of the cast is on and people are getting bumped off rather quickly. Our bland lead couple return to the house to find no people and some burnt popcorn. Rick soon gets his school cracked (yay) with some so-so special effects. So we are down to one in Chris who better tighten the laces on her “flee for your life shoes” because here comes our axe wielding killer Jason. Chris tries to fight back with a knife and then a chunk of wood. Not a bad plan as she gets to the van and even causes Jason to jump off the road and out of her way. Sorry, sister the motorcycle gang took the van’s gas-awwwww. Here comes our killer again so Chris has to go try hide and seek only she’s hoping the seek part doesn’t quite happen. Eventually he whacks him with a shovel-kabong and attempt to hang him-wait now who’s the attacker in this film? One more motorcycle dud dude shows up to get chopped to itty bitty kibble and provide a distraction for Chris to put an axe in in Jason’s head. Her work is done so she goes into a boat and out onto the lake because that’s always worked well before and she falls asleep. It’s a new day, the sun is out, the birds are chirping and holy moly there’s a blood covered freak in the house getting ready to come after Chris…or is there? Jason’s mom comes out of the water-uh wait isn’t she dead-ewww and she grabs Chris. Police get Chris and take her away as she babbles about not wanting to be in another sequel or something. They leave and we see Jason’s body sitting still in the barn so that must be it for this series or is it? Roll the credits.

All clear-eeeeeyaaaaaa!

The negatives-As with any film in this series the acting isn’t so hot. We get some okay performances and some flat ones. Plot wise this film doesn’t do a whole lot that hasn’t been done in the previous two. The 3D effects are hit and miss.

The positives-The settings are good and particularly the barn provides a spooky place for Jason to work his slashing magic. I like that Jason (the late Richard Brooker this time) is at full superhuman power now with no too long wrestling matches with goofballs like Paul in the second film. Plus as mentioned above he gets his hockey mask which right away looks creepy. The action takes a while to get going but moves along fine once it kicks in. The film does a fair job of building the tone by showing parts of Jason behind hanging laundry and in the barn doorway.

This one isn’t as good as the first two, but it’s better than most of the films in the series that came after it.

Let me give you a hand, uh maybe not.

Should have quit while they were ahead

Halloween-No slasher fans might be up in arms over this one as maybe a bunch of people love the later sequels. Some are alright and while I like the second film I would not have been sad had they stopped after the first film. Oh, golly-leave something open ended and up to your imagination-the horror.

Superman with Chris Reeves-The first two were great and I flip flop between which one I prefer a lot.
Let’s face it three and four were horrible so the franchise ended up batting .500 because the later sequels were so bad.

Planet of the apes-first run-The original is a classic and there is no doubt about that. The second film had a few new ideas but really the end results was a very mediocre sequel. The third film was just a reverse angle of the first with apes taking the place of the humans but it was decent. Now the forth film Conquest of the planet of the apes saw the series charge ahead and really take some risks. It was a fine film and I’m so glad they ended on that one-oh, wait they didn’t. Nope the next year they cut the budget even more and all the passion and energy of the forth film was followed up a lukewarm sequel in Battle for the planet of the apes. They should have quit before number five as instead they only had a three out five success rating and they finished on their worst film.

Batman-The one’s that Burton guy started-The 1989 films had some flaws, but it was exciting. At the time I had no reason to think the follow-up would stink up the theater yet it did. The third film was a little better or not as bad. Yet the forth film was a big-budget stinker as still has people shaking their heads at it.

***Feel free to add your own examples.

Zardoz funnies-A sequel

Even Zardoz wanted in on sequels week.

If the tagline makes no sense then you need to see the first film.

These films should have had a sequel or another installment

Yes, I know some of you are probably thinking goodness there have been too many sequels. Perhaps, but it depends on the specific case because there are good sequels and there are rotten ones.
Here are some that I think should have had a sequel or another installment.

Ghostbusters-A third film has gone around the rumor mill for two decades. Honestly I don’t think the film will happen without Bill Murray and I don’t expect him to ever agree to it. I love the first film and yes I even admit to liking the second film. A third film would likely be poor, but I’d go see it and hope for the best.

Sword and the sorcerer-What that crappy film with the sword gun? Matt Houston and Frank from Murphy Brown as warriors? Yeah that movie. Well it was supposed to have a sequel they said so at the end of the film, but it never happened. I’m not saying they should do it now. The window of opportunity closed on this around 1985. However despite some flaws the first film was a likable fantasy film with a fair amount of action. I would have like to have seen what they would have done in a second installment.

Captain Kronos Vampire Hunter-This Hammer film about a traveling vampire killer was supposed have more films, but unfortunately it never came about. A shame because this was a fine film with a character and premise with some real potential.

Flash Gordon-I think the makers of this 1980 film hoped it would do well enough to call for another round of world saving. That didn’t happen. Maybe if this film had out two years sooner riding on the space opera hype of Star Wars perhaps it would have been better received and a sequel would have been made.

Starcrash-Awesome cornball space action film that doesn’t get the credit it deserves. It had a very European flavor and wasn’t so huge over here. A shame because I definitely would have loved to have seen a second installment.

***What films do you wish had gotten a sequel?

Revenge of the creature

1955

Who’s in this?
John Agar as Professor Clete Ferguson, studier of fish, hot female scientist and gillmen. Agar was once married to Shirley Temple, did a few films with John Wayne and eventually (much to his dismay) ended up in monsters films like this one, Tarantula, The mole people, Daughter of Dr, Jekyll, Attack of the puppet people and more.

Lori Nelson as Helen Dobson. Attracts Clete and the gillman/creature. She got into show business of sorts two doing dancing. She was in Hollywood by her late teens and worked fairly steady in tv and film for almost two decades.

*Both Nelson and Agar reprised theire roles from this film in the spoof The Naked Monster which was done almost fifty years later.

John Bromfield as Joe Hayes a worker at the marine place. Also Clete thinks he’ll try to scoop up Lori but you not literally. Bromfield worked in a lot of westerns from the late 40’s and onto the 1960’s.

How was I supposed to know the waterbed was going to burst?

What’s this about? Holy Toledo I think the gillman is still alive! For the sake of having a sequel I hope he is. Well, he’s captured and this time he’s carted back to the mainland where he’s stuck in a marineland type place to be dealt with and for a bunch of tourists to come and see old fish face. Eventually he breaks loose, kills Joe, chases a bunch of people,flips a car and heads to the ocean. So it’s kind of like a typical spring break only he’s scaly dude instead of just a dumb college guy. Anyways he goes around for awhile. With the creature on the loose Clete and Lori decide it’s a good time to go dancing. Hey, the creature has good taste he grabs Lori and takes off with her. Some dunderheads get tossed around by old gilly, but eventually the coppers and the eggheads show up to end the fun for the creature. Oh, well roll the credits.

The negatives-This first sequel to the Creature from the black lagoon gets ripped a lot for not being as good as the original. The creature sure looked dead in the first film, but sequels always find a way around that.The plot is far more basic as it eventually becomes the old creature on the loose. John Agar annoys the crap out of me, but part of that me be due to when I saw him give an interview back before his death griping some about doing this type of film.

The positives-If you have read much here before you know that I am a big creature fan. This may be the weakest of the three, but it’s still one of the best creature on the loose films of the 50’s. The settings are good, the action is solid enough as is the pacing. I love the part where the gillman flips the car and throwing the guy into the tree is pretty cool too. Lori Nelson looks great. Really a good monster films that gets far more negative vibes than it deserves.

As everyone else who has ever reviewed this film mentions-yes, that is a young Clint Eastwood as a lab assistant.

I’ll have that one with a side fries and some tartar sauce.

The Invisible Man Returns

1940

Who’s in this?

Vincent Price as Geoffrey Radcliffe a man accused of killing his brother, but soon he’ll become invisible. You know Price as a horror movie legend, but in 1940 he was a little known young actor and he was still well over a decade away from the House of wax which would really launch him towards being a star of many horror films.

Cedrick Hardwicke as Richard Cobb who pretends to be a friend of Geoffrey and Helens but really he’s a skunk. Hardwicke was a distinguished actor who worked quite a bit on both stage and screen. He had over 100 credits including Rope and The Ten Commandmants. Other genre appearances include The Ghost of Frankenstein and the Invisible Agent.

Nan Grey as Helen Manson girlfriend of Geoffrey. She had over 30 credits between the mid-30’s and the early 40’s. She is perhaps most known to horror fans for her role in this film and as Lili a victim of and in Dracula’s Daughter.

John Sutton as Doctor Frank Griffin. Brother of the original Invisible Man he makes an invisibility potion for Geoffrey believing he innoncent and that turning him invisible will give them time to clear his name. Sutton worked regularly as a supporting player in films from the 30’s through to the 50’s and then got in tv for a while.

Cecil Kellaway as Inspector Sampson of Scotland Yard who assigned to catching Geoffrey when he turns all not threre. Kellaway had a film career that spanned over four decades and was nominated for an Oscar twice. Fans of Universal horror films will recognise him as the Great Solvani from the Mummy’s Hand.

Alan Napier as Willie Spears a cowardly skunk. Napier was early in his acting career at this point, but he would go on to have a very active career. You will know him best as Alfred, Bruce Wayne’s butler from the 1960’s Batman show.

What’s this about? So Geoffrey Radcliffe is set to hang for the murder of his brother. While in his cell he vanishes leaving a pile of clothes and a couple of stupid and confused guards. Inspector Sampson shows up and unlike a lot of policeman in these older films he’s pretty sharp. He knows of the original Invisble Man and knows his brother knew Geoffrey. He puts two and two together and suspects Doctor Griffin supplied Geoffrey with an invisibility formula. However Griffin won’t admit to that and Geoffrey is on the run going about all invisible while trying to find out who framed him. Good thing those invisibility syrums don’t cause nasty side effects like insanity, oh wait that may be coming. Pretty soon Geoffrey starts to find out what’s on and after sacring the shit out of and beating the snot out of Willie Spears he learns that Richard Cobb killed his brother and framed him for it. However Inspector Sampson is hot on the trail of Geoffrey with ice water in his veins and a big old stogie. Yeah, i know ew a stinky cigar. However the Inspector knows the smoke will reveal an invisible man. He finds out that Radcliffe is going after Cobb so he takes a force over there to protect Sampson and try to grab Radcliffe with his men using smoke. It doesn’t work, but a nice try and it makes for some of the best visuals of the film. Invisibility isn’t all fun and games though as it’s bound to have a downside and that happens when Geoffreay goes all nutty just like the first invisible dude. The power goes to his head I think although I can’t see his head because he’s you know invisible and all. Doctor Griffin tries to stop but can’t so Geoffrey goes after Cobb again. The old skunk eventually confesses to the murder before dying. Geoffrey is hurt badly, but Griffin saves him and he becomes visible once more so we finally see a young Vincent Price just for a minute. Roll the credits.

The negatives-The film was made seven years after the original and it doesn’t do a whole lot to advance the invisibility concept. It’s just the same ideas, similar results only with a thin murder plot tossed in.

The positives-A solid cast all the way  around helps transform an okay script into a decent movie. The effects are very good for the time and even a step up from the orignal.

Ten 1980’s movie sequels that were actually you know good

Okay, so all sequels don’t suck. No really they don’t.Here’s the test I set- name ten sequels from the horror,sci-fi or fantasy genres that were made in the 1980’s and that are at least good. The catch is you can only use one film per franchise.

The Empire Stri damn Lucas and his trilogies, so it doesn’t count. Well on to the list.

Star Trek 2-Best Trek film ever.

Superman 2-Even better than the original.

Phantasm 2-Solidly good.

Critters 2-I found it to be a good comedy/sci-fi/horror film/

Friday the 13th part 2-My favorite in the series.

Indiana Jones and the last crusade-As much of a remake of the first film as a sequel, but I’ll count it.

Evil Dead 2-Way better than the first film.

Nightmare on Elm street 3-Dream Warriors-Got the series back on track after the mediocre second film.

Halloween 2-The first film stood very well by itself, but still a good sequel.

Aliens-I prefer the first film but boy they did a great job here combining horror and action together.